At least once every month, I get involved in a conversation with friends that involves the long-lost entities of our childhood. Yahoo Messenger. Game Gear. Squeez-Its. Gushers. But of all of the legacies, the one that comes up most is Xanga, my first social media platform for writing. As a 14-year old, I somehow convinced myself that what I had to say was worth sharing with the world, eagerly sharing the results of my baseball games or discussing the woes of high school love. I remember coming home from school and turning on our Compaq Presario desktop computer. In about 25 minutes, I’d be dialing up and writing through the night, getting kicked off every time someone called the home phone. I was recently able to pull an archive of my old Xanga, slightly ashamed and embarrassed, but also prideful that I had the courage to speak up with so little knowledge or experience. Writer and speaker Donald Miller once gave a challenge that resonated with this very moment.
What will the world miss if you don’t tell your story?
While I remain confident that the world did not become a better place because they heard about my week at church camp or my enthusiasm for my first prom, I do believe in the impact that came from writing down these moments and getting into the rhythm of writing out my thoughts and wanderings. What started as consistent journalling, fervent note taking, and expendable blogging turned into a career that is extremely dependent upon words. And beyond career, I’ve now found writing to be one of my most productive forms of processing and preserving the moments that are making up my own story and the way that I share it. Charles Duhigg, author of “The Power of Habit” has been the focal point of my reading so far in 2015, with some fantastic data about the way the human mind develops habits. Duhigg introduces the “habit loop”, which begins with a cue, or a trigger that tells your brain to go into auto-mode. Routines are developed as a result of the cue, ranging from physical, mental, or emotional rhythms. For every routine, there is a reward, which becomes the base for how your brain decides if it is worth remembering or repeating. Every time you experience a craving or an urge, a neurological pathway is created in your brain; with every repetition of said action that pathway thickens, making it easier for the impulse to travel.
So let’s assume your habit isn’t one that is supplementing your life goals or new year aspirations. Maybe you spend your morning looking at Vine videos rather than opening up that book collecting dust on your coffee table. Or every time you sit down to write, that Twitter feed takes precedence and you waste hours watching videos of cats and animated unicorns. A cold turkey approach to bad habits is an unfair reliance on your own mind, like driving the same way to work every day but suddenly choosing a longer route with a crappy view and worse traffic. Duhigg, along with many other scientists and researchers, recommend keeping the cue and the reward the same, but simply changing the routine. By replacing your habits with a new, less destructive habit, your can create sustainable change with less mental stretch on your own brain.
As we dive into 2015, I encourage you to ask this question: “What single, brave decision do you need to make today?”
By asking yourself this question each day, you’re going to notice a mental and emotion desire to see it through to the end result. We’re wired to see things completed. Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski notes the human need for closure. Our minds don’t want to sit in a cliffhanger. They want to finish. Subconsciously, our mind remembers what never got to complete.
This is our dreams. And while you may forget about that to-do list that ended up on a spin cycle ride in your jeans pocket, we are built to see things to completion, whether thats a simple sentence or a lifelong dream. Give your bad habits a name and bring light to the things that are paralyzing you. Great stories happen when we are courageous enough to believe that the world needs our story. Your story has already started, but you hold the pen to decide where it goes next.
Trying to get started? Let’s begin.
Write that brave decision down. It’s amazing how much more invested you will feel simply by recalling a hand-written note.
Post it somewhere. Post-It notes on your computer monitor. Writing it on your bathroom mirror with a dry-erase market (seriously, don’t use a Sharpie). Put your brave decision somewhere that you’ll see multiple times in the day for the power of recall and recollection.
Brave doesn’t mean big. Sure, “change the world” makes for a great mantra or Pinterest board name, but the approachability of that daunting task is hardly what you need to see when you wake up and haven’t yet had your coffee. Stick to the small decisions that will push you towards your final goal, relying on progress to push you forward.
Celebrate every victory. Keep a running list of the single, brave decisions you’re making on a daily basis that are helping you create healthy habits and inch closer to that end goal. And don’t forget to celebrate every single one of them. Attending a party or “having fun” seems like it’s such an easy part of who we are, but just like training for a half marathon, we have to exercise those muscles and continue to get better at it more and more each day.
What single, brave decision do you need to make today?